so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
