Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
