Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
