Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
