He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
