I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
