I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
