You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
