I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
