Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Screwed.edu
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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