im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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