I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
did i just pee glitter
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
