Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
