remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
