i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
