Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
