At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
