We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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