Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
