I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
