**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
