I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
