Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
