i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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