I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
