just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
