No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
