I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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