Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
