Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
