i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
