cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
