I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
