operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
