Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
