he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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