I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
