Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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