I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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