Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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