Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
