If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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