My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
