He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
