first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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