Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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