Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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