the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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