she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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