She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
