He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
