All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He better not be in your backpack
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
