Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
