Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
